Archive for the “The Hunk” Category

You may have seen my tweet about the tax refund coming (Well, helloooOOOoooOOOooo Mr. Tax Refund! Come to Mama!) and lots of huge changes came with it.

New Ears

First of all, HunkyDory paid it forward. Much thanks from the bottom of my heart to all who helped me get my new ears. They’ve been working fabulously! That money that was given to us for the HAs has been paid forward plus some extra. So your gift did double duty, first to me, and now a gift to someone else in need.

Just as I was getting used to the new HAs, I had a setback last weekend. I had sharp, stabbing pains in my left ear on and off all day Friday. I get these once in awhile and really didn’t think much of it. It feels kind of like a bad toothache except in my ear. But when I put in my HAs on Saturday morning, it felt like the left one wasn’t working at all. I tried new batteries, and that didn’t work. I tried sticking the receiver of the left aid in my right ear and realized it was actually working fine; it was my ear that was the problem. I went in to the audiologist today, and when he peeked in there, he didn’t see anything abnormal. He said I needed to go see an ENT doc because he had done all he could do. I asked him if he could just turn up the left so I wasn’t so lopsided. He was all, “Sure, no problem” and we went into the office and plugged the aid into the computer. He said, “I’m going to turn this up about 3db and we’ll see if that does it.” Nothing. No difference. He looked a little puzzled and said, “I’ll turn it up another 4db.” Zip. Like he hadn’t turned it up at all. He looked a little worried, turned it back down, and said we’ll have to see what the ENT says. So I can hear almost nothing on the left and it rings almost constantly and is a lot louder than I’m used to. If you’re so inclined, I’d sure appreciate it if you remembered me in your prayers, because it’s seriously freaking me out. I’ve never experienced a decay this noticeable this fast before. I hope it’s just something temporary that they can fix, because it would seriously suck ass to lose a bunch more hearing when I feel like I just got it back.

New job

I’m working at a homeless shelter now, part-time overnights, on the weekends. The new HAs made that possible. I couldn’t do this before because there’s only one staff member on at a time and you have to be able to answer the phone. Even with the volume at maximum I still can’t catch every word, but I understand most of the conversation.

My very first night, the cops called to see if we could give someone slightly inebriated an emergency cot, and I had to tell them we had already told the person earlier that we wouldn’t; then someone else came in way past curfew all upset and I dealt with that. Talk about getting thrown in the deep end!

I think I’ll like this job a lot. When things are quiet, you can do about whatever you want to, except sleep. So hopefully I’ll have more time to read and write. I’ve been so stinkin’ busy the last couple months, I have a list of post subjects as long as my arm, and I’m really looking forward to getting more writing done. Oh, and call me Captain Obvious, but I just gotta say, overnights seriously throw your sleep schedule all kinds of out of whack!

New phone

After salivating over the iPhone for almost two years, I finally got my hot little hands on one.

It’s so frickin’ hawsum, I want to buy it a shot of tequila and tongue kiss it and ask it if it wants to come in for “coffee” and buy it breakfast in the morning and call it the next day and court it and tell it that I don’t want to have any more kids but I would if it would make it happy and take it to Vegas and marry it in a drive-through wedding chapel with an Elvis impersonator officiating and live happily ever after.

It needs a name. Now taking suggestions.

Since Hunky felt sorry for my poor jilted Tilt, he took it in and gave it a new home on his hip. It’s very thankful. Actually, it runs on Windoze though, so it probably is nursing an arrogant, false sense of entitlement. It totally has Hunky pegged as a soft touch, and it’s all acting out and testing him. I have to step in now and then and use my scary mom voice to coerce it into submission. It’s kind of a snotty little shithead.

New furnace

This came about not because of the tax refund but I’m throwing it in there because 1- It matches with the “New ___” theme I’ve got going here and B- It’s just so hawsum. We applied for energy assistance a couple months ago and, thank God, were given credit on our gas bill. I had to sign something about completing a weatherization thing on our house and didn’t think much of it. So a couple weeks later, this guy came in and said, “Oh, this furnace has got to go.” And I was all, “Because you know the furnace fairy personally and she owes you a favor?” and he was all, “Uh, well, you don’t have to pay for it.” and I was all, *speechless* because I’m quick and witty like that.

Let me just tell you how old our furnace was. The house was built in 1948 and it’s original. It’s a bonafide antique. Somewhere along the line, it was converted from coal to gas. It still had the hieroglyphics on it from when my house was a cave and dinosaurs roamed the earth.

Six estimates later, we have a bright, shiny new furnace and my basement really couldn’t be more happy to welcome the new guy. It takes up half the space. It’s 92% efficient compared to the old 60-ish% efficient dinosaur. It’s handsome and smart and charismatic and sexy.

New computer

My beloved iMac, Edgrr, is four and a half years old, and I was starting to really worry about it pooping out or crashing when I have graphics jobs lined up to get done. Obviously, we haven’t exactly had a couple extra thousand dollars lying around to get a new Mac. Well, my friend Marcia knew that I was a complete mac nut and told me a friend of hers had a Macbook for sale, only one year old and all tricked out (4gb RAM and 500gb hard drive!) to be able to handle graphics work. I told her I was really super interested and she hooked us up. We emailed back and forth on Friday, and the UPS man visited me TODAY! I can’t wait to move into it! *claps hands excitedly* As we speak, I have the Carbon Copy Cloner copying the hard drive on the old computer, and I’ll start moving into the new laptop tomorrow after I get off work and get a nap. This laptop is going to come in really handy when I’m working these overnights. We now have three Macs in our house.

Again, with the name-needing. Now taking suggestions.

New… wait, what?

To wrap up, HunkyDory has done their part. Consider the economy duly stimulated.

Dory didn’t get ALL the good stuff. Just most of it. Hunky got the parts to make his Virago AND his Intercepter run, and the Virago will get some plastic surgery to get a new paint job and take out the dent in the fuel tank. We are still batting around the idea of finding a used Wii so the boys will also get some happy happy from the tax refund even though the little turds probably don’t deserve it. I can’t get them to finish their chore list every day for a week to save their life! We told Rocky that if he would finish all his chores consistently, we would keep him in minutes and texts on his cell phone. It is currently a glorified paperweight.

The rest of it goes to *sigh* BILLS. But I certainly can’t complain. It’s just so amazing to me how God makes sure we have everything we need and even some things we want. We’re so blessed.

What’d you spend your tax refund on?

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Lest you fear I’ve fallen off the face of the earth, I thought I’d better check in with you. I’ve been trying to get chores done around the house and I’m working on two pretty big posts but they’re not quite done cookin’ yet.

A quick story for you.

So, for those of you who don’t know, my husband works at a Mission/Shelter. They serve meals, have a food pantry, and help people with any problems that they can. The coffee’s always on, and there’s always someone to talk with. Anyone who walks through the door with a problem gets some lovin’ and help getting through their crisis.

They’re there to help people who have just gotten out of jail, people who have just come into town with no family or friends to help get them on their feet, people who are in poverty and have food stamps run out before the month is over. They’re there for people who have nowhere else to turn, and are at the end of their rope. If the Mission can’t help you, they’ll point you in the right direction of someone who can. If nothing else, you get loved on and prayed for.

They also have a clothes closet for people who have that need. Guys come in and say they just got a construction job but don’t have work boots or gloves. Folks who live under a bridge and need some more layers. Hunky always makes me laugh when he talks about the guy who comes in every once in a while and says, “Tom, Ah need me some drawhs an’ some socks. You needah find me some drawhs an’ some socks.”

For the most part, the people who are given clothes really need them and are very grateful. Every once in a while, Hunky’ll get the guy who comes in and says, “Ah need me a coat.” and when he’s shown what they have in his size, he says, “Ah cain’t wear dat. I’m’a playah.”

Which begs the question, “How you be a playah when you be gettin’ free stuff from the mission cuz you cain’t buy it.”

(And you better not flame on me for that, because that’s a quote from the biggest darkest black man I ever did meet. He works there with Hunky, and he likes me, and he’ll kick your ass.)

But, for the most part, it’s all good.

So after the election, someone donated 300 t-shirts that say “VICTORY McCAIN * PALIN” rilly rilly big across the chest.

Hunky says no one has said, “I cain’t wear dat”, but they have said, “Do you maybe have a different t-shirt in my size?”

A month later, the Mission still has the majority of those t-shirts.

Homeless and poverty-stricken people won’t take them.

An’ that’s all I have to say about that.

Rip it, roll it, and punch it, dude. Fo’ sho’.

Comments 9 Comments »

  1. I did something today, that yesterday even talking about how scary it was made me literally sob. Today I conquered great big hairy scary FEAR (insert dramatic music interjection here). I introduced myself to a business manager, told them the services I offered, gave them a few of my business cards, and then asked them to pass the spares to anyone they came across needing graphic design services. Much to my own pleasant surprise, I did none of the following: have a massive panic attack, forget essential parts of the English language, or shit myself. I did it. I did it afraid, but I DID IT.
  2. I got new specs fo’ FREE! A friend that works at a lens lab hooked me up with a special program their company does to get folks without insurance new glasses.
  3. Hunky got new specs fo’ FREE, too!
  4. And then aforementioned friend took me out to McDonald’s for lunch.
  5. Hunky got me an early birthday present today. I have “I’ve no job but I’ve got great boots!” boots! Black leather, and they’ve got heels. Like, not motorcycle boots’ “I’ll ride my bike OVER you, bitch” heels; like, “Day-um, Tom, quit grabbing my ass! We’re in public, man!” heels. I don’t get it. The male readers reader here probably understands this phenomenon, but I do not get how heels make our asses hotter.

It was a very good day. *sighs contentedly*

Comments 4 Comments »

When I graduated, I had a party. I had just spent 18 months completing a five semester graphic design program at my local community college to earn my AA. That day, I got up, and Kizzle and I went to The Five Seasons Center to go through the ceremony with 1500ish other graduates.

It was a HUGE deal for me.

I had attempted college about 10 years prior. It wasn’t pretty, people. I did one semester at Kellogg Community College and one semester at Glen Oaks Community College, both in Michigan. Then I moved to Iowa and brought my barely 2.0 GPA with me and transferred it to the community college here. I met Hunky a couple months in, in French class. That semester, I got an A. The next semester we started dating, and I took French II. I got a D. I was working full time, going to school full time, and then later, also planning a wedding. I decided to take a semester or two off because I was just exhausted, and no closer to deciding what I wanted to be when I “grew up”. Fast forward about 10 years and two kids later. I had been separated from my husband for almost a year and bought a house alone. Before I even made the first house payment, my paid-off car died so I had to buy a car and take on another payment. Before I even had a chance to make the first car payment, I got laid off. I knew that there was nowhere else in Cedar Rapids I could make the same amount of money as at the job I had just lost. I decided that 1- I was going to have to go back to school and B- I was going to have to finally decide what I wanted to be when I grew up. I knew it was going to be challenging. My GPA had hit a new low: 1.6. But since then, I had also been diagnosed with ADD and my hearing was degrading much more quickly than I had anticipated. But I had also done a lot of work with a psychiatrist and therapist for coping mechanisms for ADD, and had a bright shiny new hearing aid. It went even better than I thought it would. I had earned all As and had brought that 1.6 kicking, screaming, and crab-walking like Regan in The Exorcist all the way up to a 3.492. The only regret that I had was that I missed wearing honors cords by .008.

Now we’re back to that day, maybe even the best day of my life, my graduation day. I had finished something. I had accomplished something. I had found an occupation that I would have gladly done for fun. It was an amazing day of celebration. Kizzle and I had bought brand new Cons for the occasion; hers bright yellow, mine bright green. Our families would be able to pick us out of the 1500ish graduates in the procession with identical gray mortarboards and robes. My mom, step dad, sister and sister’s best friend had come from Michigan for the occasion.

We went through the graduation ceremony and that night, we all went to my favorite bar and all my friends were there; even one of my professors! It was probably the best night of my life. We ended up closing down the bar and then going to breakfast afterwards. I passed out in the back of my sister’s Durango on a tire iron. I was so passed out, I was laying on a tire iron and could not have moved off of it if it was 1000 degrees and had ten penny nails soldered on spiking out of it. It was hawsum.

When Hunky was just a little ways away from getting his AA, I asked what he wanted to do for his party. To my surprise, and well, intense irritation, his answer was a resounding “Eh.”

Which I met with a sputter-y “What?!”

He explained that he wanted to wait until he got his BA for the, I believe he called it, “rigmarole.” Because this wasn’t really a big deal, you see.

You what to the who now?!

After I gave him the tongue-lashing he was begging for, and he got done backpedaling and reiterating what a ginormous deal it was to earn an AA and how proud he was of me for attaining that achievement, we simply left it at that. The AA would go by quietly, and we would throw him a huge bash when he graduated with his BA. Okfine.

Now he’s announced that he didn’t turn in his application for graduation form by the deadline, but hey, it’s no big deal because we’ll just have a party when he gets his Masters!

Oy, vey. I could just smack him. But with my luck, he’d enjoy it.

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NaBloPoMo It’s been one of those days that makes me hate NaBloPoMo. I have several different ideas for something to write about; however, each one would take more effort than I have the energy for. I could have done a Weekly Winners post, but do you think I remembered to take any pictures this week?! Hay-yell NoooOOOoooo, I did not.

I went to church (15 minutes late AS USUAL, I think people would have a heart attack and die from surprise if we showed up ON TIME) and then sat in the coffee shop and chatted with friends while the rugrats were in kid’s church. Then I went to a friend’s baby shower and actually ATE (ok, I admit it, I only SMELLED) the baby food (Oh, alright, I admit I licked the spoon on one of them) during the baby food game. Got home around almost 4:00pm with the full and good-hearted intention to write my blog post and then finish the laundry.

I sat down here at the computer several hours ago. Let’s see how many things I came up with to do to procrastinate writing my blog post.

  1. Read a couple comments that I got from Maggie linking to me. *waves frantically at Maggie*  Everybody say, “HiiiIIIiiii, Maaaaaaggggggie!”  We love Maggie, people.
  2. Rejoiced in the lovely fact that I picked up another 8 subscribers since yesterday. Everybody say, “HiiiIIIiii, New Subscribers!” We love New Subscribers, people.
  3. Cleared my Google Reader.
  4. Read a few blogs that I have bookmarked but not yet in Google Reader.
  5. Wasted some time in Google Analytics, SiteMeter, and StatCounter.
  6. Wasted some more time in Blissfully Domestic. p.s. I have some really exciting news about this website I can’t announce yet, but soon. I don’t want to jinx it.
  7. Remodeled my sidebar with Tabbed Widgets. That alone took a couple hours.
  8. Cleaned out my inbox on my hotmail, my yahoo, and my cantrememberdiddly.
  9. Unenthusiastically watched the goings-on in Twitter. Clicked through to several Tweeple’s blog posts that weren’t in my Google Reader.
  10. Went through old blog posts adding categories to the ones I had filed under “x”, where “x” equals “default category chosen because I couldn’t be bothered to add appropriate categories in the first place which would seem like a bad thing until I need something to procrastinate writing a blog post during NaBloPoMo.”
  11. Watched Giants vs. Patriots with vague disinterest.
  12. Sorted and put away papers on my computer desk.
  13. Put autumn candy in my glass candle holders. Candy corn, pumpkins, and caramels with sticks. Hawsum. Lit a whole bunch of candles in the living room. Thought, Hmmmm, caramel.
  14. Went to the grocery store and got popcorn, ice cream, and a caramel apple with peanuts.
  15. Ate the caramel apple with peanuts.
  16. Went through my pictures in Bridge half-heartedly searching for inspiration.
  17. Looked through the folder full of pictures I’ve had since March to write my how to do a nine-patch machine quilt. Saw a picture of my gramma’s sewing scissors and remembered that was when I lost them.
  18. Turned my couch upside down and unstapled the bottom material to see if Gramma’s sewing scissors fell through the cracks and inside the couch. Nope.
  19. Sat for a good five minutes thinking about how I will always spell scissors correctly, because I still remember my Speak & Spell spelling it out in that monotone computer voice.
  20. Played in Photoshop. Added Hunky’s goatee to my face. No, you can’t see it.
  21. Well, ok, maybe you can, but later. Damn, that would have been a good post right there. Dory. FAIL.
  22. Put a load of wash in the dryer and another in the washer.
  23. Got really desperate and mixed two different bags of potting soil and re-potted two of my ivys.
  24. Decided I need to buckle down and get it done. Went to flickr looking for inspiration.
  25. Then…

Hunky: Are you writing anything yet?

Dory: No, I’m in flickr looking for inspiration.

Hunky: Would you like me to take my pants down?

Dory: Would you like me to blog about it?

Hunky: *sigh* I’m going to bed.

I am a WORLD CLASS procrastinator. You DO NOT want to take me on. I will open a big stinking BARREL of PROCRASTINATE on your ass.

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