You live, you learn.

“Little Red Corvette” comes on shuffle.

Me: I don’t even know what a lot of the words mean to this song. How can she have a pocket full of horses?

Tom: Trojans.

Me: oooooooooh!

It took me until I was 40yo to get that!

He then proceeded to explain almost all the rest of the words. He’s so smuckin’ fart.

WANT.

WANT.

Amazon.com: Case Logic Kilowatt KSB-102 Large Sling Backpack for Pro DSLR and Laptop: Camera & Photo

20130825-085410.jpg

Overheard at Asbee’s Asylum – Home of the Cozy White Coats

(Scene: All Asbee’s are watching a DVD together. And no one is abusing each other. Go figure.)

young son, Mika: Mom, what’s ‘ironic’ mean?

Dory: *thinks about it a moment* Well, it’s kind of hard to explain. … It’s like, when you’re working at your job, and there’s a “No Smoking” sign on the wall when you take your cigarette break.

Mika: *completely confused and bewildered*

Tom: Son, it’s like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife.

Mika: You are both. SO. WEIRD.

Dory: My laptop’s open. Dictionary.com is your friend.

Tom: While you’re at it, look up ‘weird’ and see if our picture is up there.

(End Scene.)

Our children are going to be SO warped.

(FYI… I used to use the name The Dinosaur, or Dino, for the younger son. 1- He’s no longer obsessed with dinosaurs and memorizing entire encyclopedias on The Jurassic Period. 2- I also gave the sons weird names so people can’t google them later and find them here. So I’ll just misspell their names instead from now on. Plus, I never use our real last name on here because I don’t want The GirlBeater googling back here.)

Quite possibly the most boring title in the history of blogging: Merry Christmas!

I had a little meltdown Tuesday, and it rather inconveniently placed itself smack in the middle of the time where I pick up my boys from school. When I pulled up I was all snuffly and right away I said, “You guys didn’t do anything wrong, I’m just having myself a little meltdown. It’ll pass.”

Just exactly then, “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” came on the radio.

I busted out bawling again.

Rocky put his hand on my shoulder and said, “Mom, this is, like, the stupidest song ever.”

Laughing through crying helps.

• • • • • •

I invite you into my bathroom this morning, right after our shower. (Yes, HunkyDory showers together. Save water; shower with a friend!).

Just, like, in your brain, blur stuff out where The Sim’s game does.

Christmas carols are playing on the iHome.

Hunky: [singing along with ‘White Christmas] IIIIII’m screaming at. A. Whiiiiiiite Supremisiiiiiiiist. Just like the ones I… [stops singing abruptly] There’s a chance I might’ve had too much coffee.

Dory: *blink* *blink blink* I got nothin‘, dude.

Hunky: *wandering off and twirling his hands* [sing-song voice] Tooooo Muuuuuch Caaaawwwffffffeeeeee!

Yeah, that’s how we do what we do when we do what we do.

What do I win? Are there at least some fabulous parting gifts?

NaBloPoMo It’s been one of those days that makes me hate NaBloPoMo. I have several different ideas for something to write about; however, each one would take more effort than I have the energy for. I could have done a Weekly Winners post, but do you think I remembered to take any pictures this week?! Hay-yell NoooOOOoooo, I did not.

I went to church (15 minutes late AS USUAL, I think people would have a heart attack and die from surprise if we showed up ON TIME) and then sat in the coffee shop and chatted with friends while the rugrats were in kid’s church. Then I went to a friend’s baby shower and actually ATE (ok, I admit it, I only SMELLED) the baby food (Oh, alright, I admit I licked the spoon on one of them) during the baby food game. Got home around almost 4:00pm with the full and good-hearted intention to write my blog post and then finish the laundry.

I sat down here at the computer several hours ago. Let’s see how many things I came up with to do to procrastinate writing my blog post.

  1. Read a couple comments that I got from Maggie linking to me. *waves frantically at Maggie*  Everybody say, “HiiiIIIiiii, Maaaaaaggggggie!”  We love Maggie, people.
  2. Rejoiced in the lovely fact that I picked up another 8 subscribers since yesterday. Everybody say, “HiiiIIIiii, New Subscribers!” We love New Subscribers, people.
  3. Cleared my Google Reader.
  4. Read a few blogs that I have bookmarked but not yet in Google Reader.
  5. Wasted some time in Google Analytics, SiteMeter, and StatCounter.
  6. Wasted some more time in Blissfully Domestic. p.s. I have some really exciting news about this website I can’t announce yet, but soon. I don’t want to jinx it.
  7. Remodeled my sidebar with Tabbed Widgets. That alone took a couple hours.
  8. Cleaned out my inbox on my hotmail, my yahoo, and my cantrememberdiddly.
  9. Unenthusiastically watched the goings-on in Twitter. Clicked through to several Tweeple’s blog posts that weren’t in my Google Reader.
  10. Went through old blog posts adding categories to the ones I had filed under “x”, where “x” equals “default category chosen because I couldn’t be bothered to add appropriate categories in the first place which would seem like a bad thing until I need something to procrastinate writing a blog post during NaBloPoMo.”
  11. Watched Giants vs. Patriots with vague disinterest.
  12. Sorted and put away papers on my computer desk.
  13. Put autumn candy in my glass candle holders. Candy corn, pumpkins, and caramels with sticks. Hawsum. Lit a whole bunch of candles in the living room. Thought, Hmmmm, caramel.
  14. Went to the grocery store and got popcorn, ice cream, and a caramel apple with peanuts.
  15. Ate the caramel apple with peanuts.
  16. Went through my pictures in Bridge half-heartedly searching for inspiration.
  17. Looked through the folder full of pictures I’ve had since March to write my how to do a nine-patch machine quilt. Saw a picture of my gramma’s sewing scissors and remembered that was when I lost them.
  18. Turned my couch upside down and unstapled the bottom material to see if Gramma’s sewing scissors fell through the cracks and inside the couch. Nope.
  19. Sat for a good five minutes thinking about how I will always spell scissors correctly, because I still remember my Speak & Spell spelling it out in that monotone computer voice.
  20. Played in Photoshop. Added Hunky’s goatee to my face. No, you can’t see it.
  21. Well, ok, maybe you can, but later. Damn, that would have been a good post right there. Dory. FAIL.
  22. Put a load of wash in the dryer and another in the washer.
  23. Got really desperate and mixed two different bags of potting soil and re-potted two of my ivys.
  24. Decided I need to buckle down and get it done. Went to flickr looking for inspiration.
  25. Then…

Hunky: Are you writing anything yet?

Dory: No, I’m in flickr looking for inspiration.

Hunky: Would you like me to take my pants down?

Dory: Would you like me to blog about it?

Hunky: *sigh* I’m going to bed.

I am a WORLD CLASS procrastinator. You DO NOT want to take me on. I will open a big stinking BARREL of PROCRASTINATE on your ass.

If I opened my mind any more, my brains would fall right out on the floor.

I’m getting so tired of the political emails flying around with Lies and Opinions dressed for the Halloween party as Facts. I’m going to make an inbox rule: all emails with either “McCain” or “Obama” in them will go directly to a folder named “Shuddup and Bite Me.”

Seriously, how can anyone at this stage in the game send an email that accuses Obama of being a no-birth-certificate-havin’ Muslim baby-killer? *cringes at the search engine traffic that will surely ensue*

HunkyDory tries to keep things light, yet indulges in serious conversation, too.

Dory: 10:49  http://bluechristian.blogspot.com/2008/03/why-i-am-voting-for-barack-obama.html
Hunky: 5:19  Where you is Woman?!
Dory: 5:19  (Autoreply) Out and about running errands… might be driving; might not… IM me to see
Hunky: 6:32  i need this:  http://www.penisreductionpills.com/
Dory: 6:33  *orders right away* finally, an answer to our prayers for more comfortable instances of marital union
Hunky: 6:43 I am pro-life, and will always be pro-life. But I refuse to be held captive by mis-definitions which hold “pro-life” to be merely the protection of the unborn. Community — loving one’s neighbor — is in the Christian sense something that has no boundaries. I am responsible for my neighbor, whomever that neighbor may be. And while I will not say “a Christian cannot vote for Candidate X”, I will say that to fail to think through some of these issues very, very carefully before repeating as biblical the boilerplate of Carl Rove / John McBush is singularly non-discerning. And I think that I, too, have the Spirit of God.~ Jon
Hunky: 6:43  Jon Trotter
Hunky: 6:43  I like that definition
Dory: 6:43  very eloquent
Hunky: 6:44  Meanwhile, the Supreme Court since 1980 (when the Repubs took over and — except for the Clinton era — kept the White House, has not made any significant change to Roe v. Wade.
Further, if Roe were “flipped,” what we’d have then is a state by state ruling on abortion. Likely outcome, not radically different than what we have now, except for a few states whom would outlaw it.
Further yet, the term “Pro-life” is one which only has staying power if as a culture we make as extravagant an effort on behalf of born children and their single mothers as we’re making for the unborn children. Republicans are astonishingly obtuse on this point, as are many Evangelicals. “Don’t use my tax money to help that mother financially!” Oh, but do make sure she has the baby, despite having no support structure around her to even care for herself, much less raise the child? Hypocrisy.
Hunky: 6:44  That came before
Hunky: 6:47  That’s not what Republicans believe and as the Republicans go, so goes the Christian Right
Dory: 6:48  “Christian” and “Democrat” are not mutually exclusive, as much as the church would like them to be.
Hunky: 6:55  Actually it might be as much as the Republicans might like them to be mutually exclusive.

My name is Dory, and I approve this IM.

I welcome your comments; heck, sometimes I beg for your comments. But if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. Don’t be a jackass, please.

Don’t be that guy.

Nobody likes that guy.

I’d like to call this meeting to order…

I’d like to open by thanking everyone for attending the 150th post of “Can’t Remember Diddly!”. I’m your president, vice-president, secretary, and treasurer. Here’s our agenda for the meeting today.

Reading and Approval of Minutes of the Last Meeting
Read ’em and weep.
All approved say ‘Aye’
[chorus of ‘Ayes’]
All opposed
[crickets chirping]
Minutes stand approved as read.
*raps gavel*

Treasurer’s Report
We have money; yet, somehow, we are still broke. Do not anticipate a change in this state of affairs in the forseeable future.
All approved say ‘Aye’
[chorus of ‘Ayes’]
All opposed
[crickets chirping]
Minutes stand approved as read.
*raps gavel*

Old Business

1. I am, of course, behind in my Google Reader to the tune of posts written about 4 days ago. A note, people; April’s Fool’s Day posts about authors intending to close their blog were not warmly recieved. Making me hyperventilate is, contrary to popular opinion, NOT amusing.

2. Exhibit C in “Tom’s a PRISSY girl” trial (title of trial amended by Miss Ann)

First, Deaf Mom found this and posted it on her blog and Hunky and I loved it.

And here is a resulting IM chat log between HunkyDory:
12:36:16 PM Hunky: who was the artist that you like so much. He does that song that is like an old hymn… I can’t remember his name
12:36:28 PM Dory: todd agnew, grace like rain
12:36:33 PM Hunky: I think the last name starts
12:36:36 PM Hunky: yeah, that’s it
12:36:45 PM Dory: would like to put together a signing present for it
12:37:22 PM Hunky: That would be cool.I want to do one for the Casting Crowns song “Who Am I”
12:37:27 PM Hunky: I love that song
12:37:33 PM Dory: i do too
12:37:47 PM Hunky: I think, I might be able tostay in key for that.
12:37:58 PM Dory: i would probably set them up pidgin sign instead of ASL since it’s for hearing people to see it
12:38:06 PM Hunky: well, yea
12:38:25 PM Hunky: it would be harder for people to follow if it were ASL
12:38:42 PM Dory: that’s why beautiful looked a little weird to you
12:38:46 PM Dory: they translated
12:39:00 PM Dory: “no matter what they say” to WHATEVER THAT
12:39:17 PM Hunky: heheh
12:42:13 PM Hunky: what is the sign for “because”?
12:42:34 PM Dory: right pointer hand across forehead
12:42:45 PM Hunky: that’s right
12:42:47 PM Dory: “pointer” to “x hand”
12:44:07 PM Hunky: That is a really beautiful song, especially in sign
12:44:27 PM Hunky: it makes me well up and get all verklempt
12:45:07 PM Hunky: n stuff
12:45:35 PM Dory: you girl
12:45:41 PM Hunky: I know
12:45:46 PM Dory: seriously?
12:45:48 PM Dory: you do?
12:45:53 PM Dory: *wrinkles nose*
12:46:00 PM Hunky: it makes my uterus ache:-)
12:46:07 PM Dory: *snickers*
12:46:12 PM Hunky: little bit, yeah
12:46:18 PM Hunky: srsly
12:46:27 PM Dory: i’m blogging that
12:46:39 PM Hunky: I’m never telling you that again
12:46:43 PM Hunky: anything
12:46:44 PM Dory: hahahahaha
12:46:46 PM Hunky: ever
12:46:51 PM Dory: LMAO
12:47:12 PM Dory: c’mon, that’s funny 🙂
12:47:22 PM Dory: you mad if I blog that?
12:47:30 PM Hunky: no
12:47:41 PM Hunky: I’m used to the world thinking I’m a girl
12:47:59 PM Hunky: you know better, usually
12:48:04 PM Dory: hahaha
12:48:58 PM Dory: I think after the last almost 14 years and especially last night, there should be absolutely no doubt that you are completely utterly hetero *waggles eyebrows*
12:50:22 PM Hunky: rowr!
12:50:37 PM Hunky: that’s what I’m sayin!
12:50:40 PM Dory: <>
12:50:55 PM Dory: < / growl >
12:51:12 PM Hunky: hahahaha

New Business

1. Our hot water heater purchased in 1994 finally went to the big home improvement store in the sky. It died after a long illness punctuated by an elaborate ruse of coaxing it to work each day. Aformentioned ruse would be perpetrated in this manner: one would announce loudly, “Guess I’ll take a shower now!” and turn on the water for at least one minute. Next, one would say dejectedly, “Well, never mind; no hot water today. I suppose I’ll just stink.” and leave the bathroom. Five minutes later, one would sneak in quietly and quickly turn water on again and pull up shower knob quickly as possible, and if the hot water heater wasn’t paying close enough attention, hot water would be dispensed forthwith. However, dispense was restricted to approximately 15 minutes, so if two were showering and one was also planning on shaving; too bad, so sad.

Wednesday night, I turned on the hot water faucet and didn’t get hot water as previously anticipated. Reported this to Hunky, who proposed we travel to Menard’s to purchase a new hot water heater. After much bitching and moaning on my part regarding my disappointment in spending tax refund monies towards home repairs, commenced with trip amongst consoling noises on Hunky’s part. Arrived at Menard’s and picked out said hot water heater, a 50 gallon with a 6 year warranty. In respect for our younger and/or familial readers, must censor Hunky’s comments regarding potential for more numerous acts of marital union in shower since this new 50 gallon is a step up from the old 40 gallon. My deepest and most abject apologies; it appears censor failed. At least it was polite.

Next up for discussion was where we were going to get a shower in the morning, since it was clear that I was not paying emergency night rates to get this bugger installed immediately. I volunteered to stay home and wait for the plumber to arrive thus negating my need for shower. Hey, if somebody needs to stay home from work and NOT have to get up before the butt crack of dawn, I’m your gal. I just give sacrificially like that.

So, $700 later, we are now proud owners of a duly installed brand spanking shiny new hot water heater. Oh, the joys never cease.

2. Went to the Decypher Down / Thousand Foot Krutch / Skillet concert Thursday night. I am 35 years old and I have a sore neck from head bangin’ and a warbly voice from screamin’. Have now properly trained my offspring in both important areas of development. Amen.

The lead singer told us how this song came about. He wrote it for a girl who was talking to him about how she would cut herself to escape. He’s married, so I think he wrote this like God is reassuring her that He’s always there.

Video of “The Last Night” -Skillet

Lyrics for my D/HoH pals:

You come to me with scars on your wrist
You tell me this will be the last night feeling like this
I just came to say goodbye
I didn’t want you to see me cry, I’m fine
But I know it’s a lie.
[Chorus:]
This is the last night you’ll spend alone
Look me in the eyes so I know you know
I’m everywhere you want me to be.
The last night you’ll spend alone,
I’ll wrap you in my arms and I won’t let go,
I’m everything you need me to be.
Your parents say everything is your fault
But they don’t know you like I know you they don’t know you at all
I’m so sick of when they say It’s just a phase, you’ll be o.k. you’re fine
But I know it’s a lie.
[Chorus]
The last night away from me
[Bridge:]
The night is so long when everything’s wrong
If you give me your hand I will help you hold on
Tonight,
Tonight.
[Chorus]
I won’t let you say goodbye,
I’ll be your reason why.
The last night away from me,
Away from me.

Upcoming Meetings:

Under construction are a couple posts; one on the construction of the new niece’s quilt and one on photoshop. Yeeee Haaaaaaaaaaa.

Do I hear a motion we adjourn?
[much clamoring for adjournment]

We’re adjourned.