In which Jenny Lawson comes to Cedar Rapids and I give her a hug and knitted reproductive systems.

On 7/8/2016, Tom, my friends and I got to meet our favorite author. We were almost last in line (on purpose; see also: anxiety issues) and got to get our books signed, and talk with Jenny. Tom got his Rory card signed and I gave Jenny the Knitted Knaughties. If you don’t know about these, you’ll have to put that in my search box and enjoy a really good story about Jenny matchmaking me (in Iowa) and Louise (in New Zealand; see also: possible place to move if Trump becomes President, because if so, I’m Audi, dude) to come up with a knitted vagina and penis to show women where to find their clitoris in a totally non-skeevy way. Seriously; some women have to be shown. My sons learned a lot from this pair, and to their future wives, I say, “You. Are. Welcome.”

That was kind of a long stream of consciousness type of ramble, and I blame my phone. So I’ll just tack on the pictures and call it good. 

Yesterday, I worked from 10am-11pm on my website. I went to bed and couldn't sleep so I got back up and worked from 12am-3:30am. Still couldn't sleep until around 6am. I've gotten ZILCH done today (I did manage to shower, brush my teeth, and put on clean clothes) and I'm almost okay with that.
Jenny doing a totally kick-ass reading

Jenny and Tom
Jenny and Tom

Jenny accepting the adoption of the Knitted Knaughties
Jenny accepting the adoption of the Knitted Knaughties

Jenny and I and the Knitted Knaughties
Jenny and I and the Knitted Knaughties
Jenny combining a couple of her gifts so things could get even weirder, if possible
Jenny combining a couple of her gifts so things could get even weirder, if possible
Jenny and Kenzie  conversing intently
Jenny and Kenzie conversing intently
Jenny and Kenzie
Jenny and Kenzie

And they all checked one thing off their bucket list and lived happily ever after. Amen.

Vacation to The Wilderness with the Ricechex

In the car on the way… all bouncing off the walls in happy anticipation of good times on the horizon

Rose sent me a pic of her kids snoozing in the back… Tom said, point at me and take it on 3. No families were killed in a fiery death in the making of this image

Me and my love

Mr. Ricechex, ready for his close up

The Mens. Step back, ladies, they’re all ours

My love, doing what he does best, which is TALK

Mr. Ricechex, doing what he does best, which is look smolderingly handsome

This man whom I love achingly

Man-child, who frequently makes me want to tear out my hair and set it on fire on an altar to my ancestor-mothers

This woman, who seems to understand how my heart beats before I do

Mrs. Ricechex, my eventual Mexico wife


More blood, less hockey

Feed reader peoples, click over for my night at the hockey game. Watch for Notes in the lower right hand corner, kids.

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Rip it, roll it, and punch it, dude. Hockey and Violence. *humming Ebony & Ivory*

The One Where We Went To Michigan. Again. Now with added contest at the end!

Once upon a time last week, we drove to Michigan to visit my mommy and The Seester. Kizzle and I loaded up the boys and the dog in a VERY small Stratus; one that got smaller and smaller as the drive went on. Hunky drove out on the bike later because of *groan* work and school.

We stayed at my sister’s. Mom came over and we grilled and talked and drank beer. At one point, Dino went and sat on Seester’s lap and she leaned into him and deliberately burped in his ear. He turned around to look at her, and completely dead-pan said, “That was HAWT”. I laughed so hard I almost peed. That’s my boy. We’re SO proud.

My mommy and Elli’s mommy 

Then we went out for a couple drinks.
I keesd mai seester!


Gratuitious Drunk Bitch shot… did somebody goose the seester?!


Then we rode horses…
Mah Kizzle riding Foxy


Me riding Slim. He’s over 16 hands… it’s a looong way to the ground!


Rocky riding Slim


Slim’s got one dark eye and one watch eye


Horse hoof trimmings are considered
a delicacy among discerning canines everywhere


Deer are nothing but 500 pound RATS.


And then Elli discovered the frogs in the swamp.
She scared a batch of them and when they all jumped at once,
she went nuts trying to catch them all and jumped withers-deep into the swamp.
She smelled like mud plus pond scum plus horse poop with a side of roadkill.
We had to hose her ass down before she could come in the house!


Da Beer. Kizzle trying to turn my dog into an alcoholic.
Don’t worry, it was only a few drops in the bottom.


Sunset from Mom’s backyard


Bonfire was complete with beer, shootin’ the shit,
toasted marshmallows, and laughing so hard we almost peed.
Actually, I believe a couple of the gents present actually did.


What’d Smoky say?!

Click that picture up there and add a comment to tell me what you’d caption this photo!

Entries accepted until 07/25/2008 9pmCST– Winner will be announced 07/26/2008
Prize will be something from the bottom of my purse, perhaps a half pack of Fruit Sensations gum! Meaningful dialogue regarding whether the pack is half-empty or half-full is optional. But technically moot, as facts of math will prove half has nothing to do with it, because it’s almost empty.

The whole set is here. There’s some really funny ones, including one where Smoky winked at me which was fairly disturbing. I added some amusing notes and descriptions to many of them (there’s an hour of my life I’ll never get back). Feel free to add a comment to any and let me know what you think of my mad picture takin’ skillz. Flickr comments are almost as exciting to me as blog post comments. *nudge nudge elbow poke wink wink*

A refresher on buzzing like a bee through a set…


And a good time was had by all. The End. *curtain falls*

Post Chicago wrap up

Well, folks, winter went on a weekend long bender and threw up all over Iowa. And it has a nasty hangover.

All that snow that got dumped on us Sunday, 4-8 inches worth, is melting and it’s not pretty. There’s slush everywhere. And it’s supposed to get below freezing tomorrow and all that slush will be solid ice. And another 6-8 inches on top of that. Perfect.

Last night I was driving home from Chicago and just before we hit the state line, the snow started. What should’ve taken an hour took four. There were no lines to stay in; the game was Guess Where the Lane is and Pray the Passing Semis Don’t Kill You. It’s just great. The losers are easy to find. They’re the ones in the ditch or median. The winners are the ones that manage to stay on the road and live to tell about it.

I planned to be home in time for the start of the Superbowl, but I had to settle for listening to it on whatever AM station I could pull in. Just as the game was really getting interesting, I lost the station. And then my head exploded. Oh, wait, no; I just ran into the house, leaving all my belongings out in the car, and slid a little into the living room with my boots and coat still on. It looked a little like I was stealing second base.

Hunky: [quickly] We’re in the fourth quarter with two minutes 46 seconds to go Tombrady 14 Giants 10 and they have the ball.
Dory: [emphatically] Awesome. [crashes on the couch in rapt attention to the game]

Because we’re so mushy and romantic like that.

Anyone that drove by our house and glanced in the big bay window got treated to HunkyDory actually jumping up and down and screaming at the TV. But if they’re from around here, they weren’t surprised.

the game and post-game wrap-up is when we need to do the “I’m so glad you’re not dead in a ditch” “I missed you so much” “And this semi passed me and I might have soiled myself a little” “Mom, did you get me anything” thing.

Oh, and one more time… Suck it, tombrady. Ha Ha Haha Haaaaah.

Aaaaand highlights from the trip. Sorry, I don’t have any of me white knuckled, clenching the steering wheel, face against the windshield. But maybe next time.

Ikea five. *snap*

Not sure why, but I find this cart escalator quite fascinating.

Everybody wave at the Fabulous Brit Sisters!

Limo from dinner to party… fabulous.

Playing “Bullshit” in the bar.
Because we’re too old for the stumbling drunken barfing stupor thing, that’s why.

Mm mm mmmmmm, Raspberry Mocha Mocki…something or other. It’s a big cup of caffeine that tastes like a luscious after-dinner dessert, that’s all I need to know.

Quite possibly the best cheeseburger I’ve ever had in my life. Yeah, that’s the “Cheezburger Cheezburger Cheezburger” place made famous by SNL.

What a dreary day. Didn’t stop us from enjoying ourselves, though.

So there ya go. There’s more pictures if you’re bored.

I’m cooking up a PhotoShop post, coming soon to a computer near you! I’m sure you’ll all be on the edge of your seat, waiting with bated breath. Or not.

Rip it, roll it, and punch it, dude. Rock on wicher bad say-elf.

Awwww maaaan; leftovers again?!

So if you don’t blog for a few days, you get a post-it filled with scribble and you serve yet another piping hot bowl of Blog Stew. It ain’t much, but it’s filling.

It was an interesting weekend. Dory’s done it again. I took the last of my Wellbutrin on Friday and couldn’t find my big four month stash that came in October. We turned the house upside down all weekend looking for it. Then Hunkster called the office on Monday. Turns out I picked up the emergency ration that they gave me when they forgot to order it, and never picked up the big stash when it came in. So we picked it up yesterday and I’m back on track. How do I forget things like picking up my mind-altering pharmaceuticals?! D’oh!

Friday The Rockstar went to school medicated and came home and announced he had a very good day! Yay!!! He also said that he caught Wfgt reading my blog during small groups, so when you comment, say hi to her and thanks for being the grooviest Wfgt ever! AND also thanks again to the Intarwebb Angel, too!

Friday night we went to a CMA meeting…

Our fearless leader bravely playing
“Let’s Make a Deal” Christmas/Joy Rider style

…then out to Fifth Gear to see Strangely Familiar. Great time, but did two tequila shots and lost count of the beers, then remembered too late that it’s a bad, bad idea to try to keep up with The Kizzle. The Hunkster ended up driving us home, of course.

Saturday was spent nursing a headache in my neck and looking for my meds. My office is cleaner than it was, which is saying a lot. Over the weekend we all watched LotR 1&2 together. On the 50 inch with surround sound, just as God intended.

Elli came into heat this weekend;
Elmer better get his dancin’ humpin’ shoes on

And we have a snow day today because of this huge ice storm coming through and I hate snow days. “Mom, can I…” “Mom, will you…” “Mom, let’s…” “Mom, he won’t stop…” “Mom?” “Mom!” “Mommmm?!” mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom …ad infinitum…


Things I never thought I would have to actually utter unto my children but found myself rolling my eyes and stating:

2. “Stop licking your brother’s pillow.”


I thought I’d pass on this link from Jessica which will be very interesting for anyone touched by Asperger’s Syndrome.


Only 14 days left until Christmas and 8 days until my birfday! I still have to find something for my nephew, and then my Christmas shopping is done. I still have to find something for my mom and The Seester, but I don’t have to worry about that until we have our Christmas in January. Here’s Elli opening one of her presents last year. I hid her present this year on the shelf in my closet and the little spaz already spied it. She’s asked and asked for me to get it down and give it to her, but she’s just gonna hafta wait like the boys.

Rip it open, and “ooooo” and “ahhhhh” over it even if you hate it. It’s that time of year.