I wonder if I’ll qualify for hazardous duty pay?

I may have finished something for a change! Oh, get up off the floor with your fake fainting ass; you’re really not that funny.

My resume looks super-dee-duper. Oh, just then, I typed a word I have never before typed in my whole life. All-righty-roo. There I go again.

Only 8 more working days as Dead Woman Walking. I fear I might have made a humongargantuoism mistake today. I needed to order envelopes and paper for my resume packet (yes, it’s a packet, I’ll elaborate later) and used that old “My friend needs to know if we can get this kind of paper and how much I’ll… I mean she’ll… have to pay for it, can you find out for me?”
Of course, she looked at me like, “Seriously? Not buying it.”
So I figured rather than have her go around to everybody immediately and wake up Rumors and Office Politics (I put some roofies in their stupid frilly frou-frou fancy-shmancy fruity umbrella drinks and they were out cold in the storage closet for over 48 hours) and get THEM going again, I would do some damage control and I told her ok, she needed to keep it in confidence, but that I had somewhat of a situation going on here at work that I would appreciate if she could keep on the DL. So instead of going immediately around with a megaphone and a taser (for anyone who is not paying her their complete and undivided attention), it might be delayed by about, roughly, 27 seconds. But she did get the calls made to get the envelopes and maybe even for FREE. And it only cost me what little dignity I had left. What a bargain. Dammit, she told you already, didn’t she?! Man, she’s quick.

Ohhhhh, what else is going on in my silly little ADD addled brain? Ah, yes, I did promise to elaborate upon the resume packet.
When a graphic designer is pounding the pavement for a job (and their head on the wall), it’s not enough to send a resume. Ohhhhh, nooooo; there’s the resume and the cover letter and a business card and the cd with examples of your best work and the thank-you postcard for after the interview and if you’re REALLY an over-achiever, a small booklet of examples of your work to leave with the interviewer, and a kick-ass logo to tie the whole damn thing together. Resume? Check. Cover letter? Check. Business card? Check. Kick-ass logo to tie it all together? Check. CD? In progress. Booklet and post card? Non-existent. I’ll see what I can do about showing you the resume later after I black out all identifying information with a sharpie. After all, I have my stalkers to worry about. Oh, and also when The Bossman decides it’s time to share my impending unemployment status with my co-workers, I’m prepared for the inevitable question – “So what are you going to do?”
I’m totally ready.
I’m going to be an undercover graphic design agent for the FBI. Top that.

In our next episode, Dory introduces a cast of characters that star in what could possibly qualify for her life.

Rip it, roll it, and punch it, dude. Peace.

Irony and Sarcasm… two great tastes that taste great together.

*unpacking boxes*
*flops down on a stack of bedding*
*pops open a cold one*
It’s Miller Time.

So I’ve moved over here from LiveJournal. I’ll check back in over there periodically, but I live here now, at 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney.

I think the change of scenery will do me well. I’m going to find a lighter voice here. I had quite the teen-angst scene going on over there at LJ, all pseudo-deep and whatnot, and it got to the point where I could barely stand myself. Sorry ’bout that. Gonna try to ease on up on that crap.

For those of you just tuning in, I’m Dory, as dubbed by my hunka-husband when we went to see Finding Nemo in the theater. Dory, the little blue tang fish, came on the screen and The Hunk started laughing… nay, giggling, and said, “It’s you, honey, it’s you! You’re up there on the screen!” And Dory stuck. Within a week, my friends were calling me Dory. Ah, the joys of ADD. You probably couldn’t even begin to believe what The Hunk puts up with, God love him. ADD with a Generous Dollop o’ Crazy, every… single… day.

In other news… I’m fired. I was actually fired not last Friday, but the Friday before. The Boss says that he has never felt so bad about having to let someone go, (of course at the time, my brain was screaming “THEN DON’T, YOU EVIL GARDEN GNOME!”) and that he wanted to give me up to four weeks to find another job AND my parting gift was… a letter of recommendation! Thanks for playing our game! *audience OOOs* So… consequently I feel like Dead Woman Walking. I don’t think any of my co-workers knows, but you know how Rumors and Office politics get along. Like a teeny-bopper and her shiny sequined, hot pink fruffy frou frou trimmed, lime green purse. Except in this case, Rumors and Office Politics are headed off to the 2 day sale at Younkers, MasterCard firmly in hand, their need-to-be-punched pointy little noses high in the air and their beady little eyes darting around trying to figure out how to look down at me whilst aforementioned noses are so high in the air, they are in danger of bleeding. Rumors and Office Politics are absolutely ecstatic that their nefarious plan to remove me from their presence was successful. They’re already deciding who gets custody of the stapler and the pencil sharpener (Rumors gets the stapler and Office Politics gets the pencil sharpener, except Wednesdays and every other weekend, and holidays; in which case they switch). I never blogged about work before because I heard a bunch of horror stories about getting fired because of your blog. Now I’m blogging about getting fired. Huh. Imagine that. Tonight I’ve been actively avoiding working on my resume. Let’s check in and see how I’ve done.

Things I’ve Done Instead Of Working On My Resume:

  1. Erased all the old text messages off my phone
  2. Checked email
  3. Watched people coming and going on my IM list
  4. Looked up the correct spelling for “wallaby”
  5. Watched a couple episodes of Sex in the City
  6. Read each and all the blogs I follow
  7. Started a new blog while watching Finding Nemo for inspiration (bonus points for multi-tasking!)
  8. Tried to figure out if there was a way to rob the Aquarium Screensaver from the Finding Nemo DVD
  9. After much diligent research and some cussing, decided there wasn’t – Yet
  10. Made tacos for dinner
  11. Talked to The Elli Dog regarding my displeasure with her violating the cat (more about the little white tornado that is my undying pride and joy later. And on a side note, damn, I hope she comes out of heat soon.)
  12. Reminisced on the final I took today and again tried to remember more signs that are made with the B handshape (he asked for 7; for the life of me I could only think of 5, and that was reaching. On my tippy-toes with my hamstrings screaming for mercy.)
  13. Overseen the Leaf Cleanup Detail in the backyard (the boys apparently can’t get a job done without me standing on the deck micro-managing.)
  14. Smoking while overseeing the Leaf Cleanup Detail in the backyard (Yes, now I’m reaching to make my list longer.)

Rip it, roll it, and punch it, dude.