First of all, let me just show you the card he got me:
Second of all, he surprised me with a serious mushy gushy card that I won’t put up because it’ll just make you puke in your mouth a little, and a Barnes & Noble bag containing Between, Georgia and The Girl Who Stopped Swimming, by Joshilyn Jackson. He noticed because I wouldn’t shut up about how much I loved gods in Alabama. Dang, he rocks like that.
Well, I did the picture thing last year, and this was a decent marriage post, and I’m not sure I could make an Anniversary card that could top The Valentine. So I’ve been wracking my wee brain, trying to come up with something, anything, worthy of this, such an auspicious occasion, our 13th Wedding Anniversary.
A “how do I love thee, let me count the ways” anniversary post? Been done. Waaay too much. A “how do you drive me crazy, let me count the ways” anniversary post? No, thank you; I’d like to continue celebrating anniversaries with my first husband, please.
Let’s throw this on the wall and see what sticks.
Class: How You Can Can Make Yer Wimminfolk Happy Just Like I do
Location: Billiards Room
Pre-Reqs: Meaningful Commitment With a Significant Other
Credits: Contingent upon field study performance after class meeting time
Discussion Agenda: Each week Hunky will facilitate an open discussion on relevant topics to the course. In-depth Class participation is a large part of your successful completion of the course. Dory may bring you cold beverages and refreshments IF you behave.
Attendance is critical. Each week builds on concepts studied from previous weeks.
It All Boils Down To “Yes, Dear.”: The Best Advice My Father-In-Law Ever Gave Me And For Which I Will Be Eternally Grateful.
This is fundamental. If you miss this one, you will fail the course.
Lifting The Seat Up Then Down: Would It Really Kill You?
Also covered will be replacing the toilet paper roll and putting it the right side up in the process. Please read “Right” as “how she prefers it”.
“No, I Don’t Mind Making Stops At Two Restaurants For One Meal. No Big Deal, Really.”: Dude, You’re So Going To Score Tonight
[As I'm writing this, Hunky is out picking up my favorite pizza from Sweet Basil's and my favorite breadsticks from Paul Revere's. People, THE MAN WALKS THE TALK.]
“You Are So Ravishingly Beautiful, And I’m Not Just Saying That To Get Sex”: At Least One Compliment A Day Will Dramatically Improve Your Chances Later
There will be ample opportunity for practice and role-playing exercises for this particularly tough topic.
You Can, Too, Make A Complete Evening Meal: Candlelight Covers A Multitude Of Kitchen Sins
Please bring a recipe to swap tonight.
The Washer And Dryer Can Be Your Best Friends: You’ve No Idea How She Digs It When You Do Your Part
Extra credit for sorting colors. Extra Extra credit for leaving her sweaters alone because you may not realize this, but it’s very important how this one must be air-dried, that one must have only the sleeves stretched then air-dried, and the other one does need a warm dryer (but not for too long) or it will fit like elephant skin.
Does My [X=Body Part] Look Fat In This/These [Y=Item Of Clothing]: The Question That Strikes Fear In The Heart Of A Giant
Practice a couple at home. “Actually this/these [Y] make your [x] look smaller, you ravishing creature, you” or “That outfit really doesn’t even do your fine frame justice.” are good starters.
Keeping The Romance And Mystery In Your Relationship: Quit Farting And Burping In Front Of Her, Brainiac
You Want A Weekend Of Football Playoffs At The Sports Bar With Your Buddies: It’ll Cost You At Least A Weekend At The Quilt Show/Craft Bazaar/Home Interiors Expo
Just Admit You’re Lost Before They Send A Search Party For Us: Ask For Directions Already, Magellan
If You Ask For Less, She May Give You More: Playing The Numbers Game With Your Sex Life.
Please note: Your success with mastering the previous topics plays especially heavily into your success with this topic.
But Secks: Don’t Count On It, Buddy
Registration starts soon. Class size is limited and seats will fill up fast.