Then she came back, kicked my boyfriend in the crotch, and we hitch-hiked to my junior prom.

I was pretty bummed out that I couldn’t meet Bossy in Chicago on Tuesday.

First, I didn’t get an invitation, so I wasn’t sure exactly where it was. I got all the emails where people were trying to decide particulars, but no actual “Ok, we’re on and it’s here” invitation. Second, I couldn’t justify taking the time off work since I just started this job in February. And I was gonna take BritSis1 with me, and she couldn’t get the time off because somebody quit at her office. So big ol’ Crap Sandwiches all around.

By the by, my soop asked if I knew Photoshop, and hells yeah I know Photoshop, so now I’m doing the same thing I was doing plus graphics part (preparing art for the web and adding to the ad). Woo Hoo! Yay, me! Crap, where was I? Ah, yes. So I didn’t get to go meet Bossy. Which qualifies for a Major Bummer, Dude. So I was thinking about missing it on Tuesday and carried that crap right on into Wednesday in a Poor, Poor, Me sort of way. But I’m seriously digging how Photoshop makes my day zoom-ZOOM-zoom.

By the by the by, Dino was obsessed with the Mazda commercial with that tune on it when he was about 2 years old. I could be in the living room watching TV while he was playing two rooms away. When that commercial would come on, he would toddle just as fast as he possibly could to the TV. He would stand in rapt attention through the whole thing. And then every single time, he would turn to me and say, “Ah-zoom-zoom Mommy?” and I’d reply, “Yep, Dino, ah-zoom-zoom” and he’d run off as fast as he came in, giggling all the way from his toes. Two years later I found the whole song online* and the first time I played it, he came running in the room and said, “Hey, I like that song!” and started chuckling.

Wait, where was I? Oh, Bossy… Chicago… it must have been on my mind more than I thought. Last night I dreamed that Bossy came to visit me.

I dreamed that she brought her Great Dane with her. We were in the middle of a fecking blizzard, and she drove up in an old white van driving on the wrong side of the car. (FabBoyFab— maybe that had something to do with you! LOL) Her window was halfway down and she had snow all over her sunglasses. Instead of my house, I was showing her into the house (ok, trailer, actually; yes, I lived 10 years in a trailer, let the mocking and trailer trash jokes commence) that I grew up in. Then Bossy left for the shindig without me, and I went into the room that I gave her to stay in, which was my old room I spent my Teenage Angst-Ridden Era in. (By the way, did you catch the Bossy-ism I squeezed in up there? It took a small crowbar, but I sure did it.) Anyway, I walked into the room and my jaw dropped. Her Great Dane had had about eleventy-two accidents on the carpet and of course none on the linoleum in the private bathroom. So then I decided I’d put fresh sheets on the bed. I pulled back the sheets and about made an “accident” of my own– the waterbed leaked and there was about an inch of water on top of the mattress and sheets. Soooo I started cleaning up the doody and then I woke up.

Analyze that.

* “Zoom Zoom Zoom.” Written by Kao Rossman.
© 1993 Serapis Bey Music and Fox Film Music Inc.
From the Original Motion Picture Soundtrack,
“Only the Strong.”

Author: Dory

Believer. Wife. Mom. Deaf chick. ADD-addled. Photographer. Graphic designer. Blogger. Guano whacknut. Not necessarily in that order.