It’s a question extravaganza at Casa De Señora Ann!

1. If you could ask ONE question to anyone who has EVER lived, what question would you ask and to WHOM? Assume they are sworn to tell the truth.

It’s interesting that as I sat and thought about this question, so many of the questions were actually rhetorical and motivated by an overwhelming feeling of being wronged. Such as…

To The Girl Beater – Do you know how much you damaged me?

To Tom Hanks – Why in the world did you do Joe Vs. The Volcano?

To Mrs. Widener, my 1st grade teacher – When I failed the hearing test, why didn’t you take action to get me the help I needed? Why didn’t you at least pass the buck and tell my second grade teacher?

To my EX best friend – Having an affair with my husband? AND THEN calling him up and invite him to an affair again a couple years later? Really?! Have the powers that be revoked your Girlfriend Card by now?

To Milli Vinilli – Did you actually think you were going to get away with it?

Then I thought…

To Jesus – When are you coming back? If it’s soon, can I activate those pre-approved credit card offers that fill my mailbox and go on a huge shopping spree and max them all out?

But then again, He probably wouldn’t tell me when anyway. He’s all stealthy and secretive about the end times, that clever Savior. And to try to get God to swear to anything would invite a personal lightning shower. I’m generally against that sort of thing. God gets all sorts of honked off when you get all up in His bidness.

And then, I pondered technicality… Can I erase their memory of me answering the question? I’ve thought of tons of people I’d like to ask a question, but I could actually ask them for reals, but I’m too chicken shit to do it.

I don’t know who to ask, but if I did… Exactly how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?

Ok, who would I ask and what would I ask them… barring chicken shit and rhetorical candidates and technicalities… let’s see… *drums fingers* hmmm…

Can I phone a friend?

Screw it. PASS.

2. What’s in your fridge right now? What do you plan to make for dinner tonight?

To borrow Miss Ann‘s phrase… my fridge is “not right with God”.

I threw out some leftovers last week sometime and almost had to call in a Hazmat team. Refrigerator is in desperate need of a good hose-down. Read blogs… clean refrigerator… read blogs… clean refrigerator… no, not even a contest. When you abbreviate refrigerator to fridge, where does that extra ‘d’ come from? Generally, one would think that when abbreviating a word, letters would excuse themselves, not crash the party. Wait, what?

What’s in my fridge? Many, many, many condiments (did I mention there are MANY?) and milk, eggs, butter, sour cream, shredded co-jack cheese; you know, the staples. Sour cream IS a staple in our house. Oh, so leftover hamburger helper from Thursday night (that’s gonna be iffy; I better throw that out), a head of lettuce, flour burrito shells, smoked ham and deli cheddar for sammichs for lunch, half a pack of hot dogs…

Dinner tonight? Tuesday nights Cedar Rapids Deaf Club gets together for dinner, and tonight it’s at Panera. So it’s yummy Cheddar Broccoli soup and a half a sammich for me! What? The kids? What kids? Oh, those kids. They go to my friend’s house on Tuesday nights and she feeds them because they don’t like going to Deaf dinner. BRAT CHILDREN.

3. You have been anonymously gifted the funds with which to start your own business. Give its name, and describe it.

This is easy. My freelance graphic design business would let me work from home doing what I love best and get paid for it! BOOYAH, baby.

I’ve already got the name and business cards but it’s got my first name in it so I’m not telling that part. Neener. Neener. I don’t know how much I’m getting in funds, but I want, in order of importance and degree of need/want…

  1. GoDaddy for my domain name and hosting, paid for at least 30 years
  2. iMac or
  3. Mac Pro and a huge display
  4. Macbook Air (for taking to client meetings, don’tchaknow)
  5. Adobe CS3 Premium
  6. A Windows laptop for those pesky PC files that the clients love so much *gags* plus the two laptops together with IM could be used in lieu of an interpretype once my hearing’s completely shot
  7. Subscription to PhotoSpin
  8. Member ASI
  9. ClipArt Library
  10. At least $500 to spend at Amazon for CS3 books (I need some training on DreamWeaver)
  11. Canon color copier; dry toner, not inkjet or laser
  12. Roland 52″ wide format printer (for printing things to sell on eBay and Etsy)
  13. I could go on forever, but I’d like to post this tonight. *sigh*

All right, so there you go, Miss Ann. Will you marry me now? Shall we exchange secret decoder non-lesbian love rings and pinky swear on it? For our honeymoon, we could go to the park and play frisbee with bologna, because it has the word “blog” in it, and we could gaze longingly into each other’s eyes at the poignancy later when we were giggling in our sleeping bags with our margaritas and oreos… …wait… what? *blinks*

And now I have a question for all of you, my people… If you could switch brains with anyone, who would it be? Would you like to set a time limit, or switch forever? Would you like to retain the knowledge you gained, or go back to the way you were before?

3 Responses to “I ahm the weakest link… goodbye.”
  1. Miss Anne Derstood says:

    I think the questions you asked were great. And they all deserve to be answered.

    Your fridge sounds like mine, except most of your food sounds edible, and most of mine is way past rotten.

    Dude, I don’t even know what most of those things are that you want, but when my ship comes in? It’s all totally yours. Cause, I loves you, that’s why!!

    Now give me my decoder ring, dammit…

  2. Jocelyn says:

    I’d kinda like to switch brains with you for a little bit, you pip, you…but maybe after four minutes switch back–cuz I think I’d be tired.

    You are a swirl of HIGH-larious thinking.

  3. Dory says:

    Miss Ann – I loves you too!

    Joc – LOL! Thanks!

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